Writing the blog is easy, promoting it, trying to get people to read it and then trying to get them to promote it is like riding a prize poodle amongst a race full of thorough bred horses.I know I can run but the finish line is so far ahead of me and I can't see further than the horses arse in front of me. Even getting friends and family to sign up to it is like asking them for money to pay for a crack habit. Most of my begging has been done over the phone or online so they haven't seen the crazed look in my eyes. Thank god none of them wanted to skype or they would have seen me fidgeting, sweating, clawing at my arms and gurning, just waiting for that next fix, that next person to say "ok, I'll follow you".
I've never really cared about being popular, i'm pretty solitary but this blog has got me more jumpy than a virgin in a slasher movie. I need people to follow me like Adele needs heartbreak to write a song and at the minute it just isn't happening. 10 followers in two days is not enough to get rid of this terrible insecurity I'm feeling. It's a big leap from Facebook (where my friends are in the hundred's) to having just double figures here. I'm now worried that maybe my Facebook friends are not my real friends (like any sane person would have over 10 real friends anyway).
I am trying to stay sane and the way I'm doing this is by pretending that the blog is my "difficult second album" and I'm actually a post teen pop star. I've lost the baby fat and cuteness, gone from blonde to brunette and I'm now co-producing. I've just spent some time out in LA trying to find my sound . . . like I say, this is how I'm staying "sane" and keeping on top of the blog. I have a figure in mind that I want to get to and until I get there I won't give up, harassing, stalking & threatening people. I did a half marathon a couple of years ago and took on the fund raising with such vigour that I was prepared to take my wheelchair bound neighbour down to the post office to withdraw his pension just so he could sponsor me "so what if you can't eat this week, I'm running 13.1 miles on Sunday now give me that money". I realise that I need to relax and let word of mouth take my blog where it needs to go, but I've already gone viral, I'm feeling pretty cranky and 10 followers just isn't doing it for me . . .