I have a friend who works "in television" so when we meet almost every sentence is littered with TV 'talk" - he plans his day and meeting of friends like he's working out a schedule for a TV channel, and a major one at that, not one of more obscure satellite ones, not as political as "Al Jazeera" more like "E" or 'Living" so our meetings always end up being more eye brow than high brow.
I've started to realise that he thinks of his friends as TV shows, some are breakfast, some daytime and a few are "prime time". He is adept at working his friends to suit his mood, the weather, his outfit and so talented that when you do actually meet him you feel like you really want to conduct an interview with him. I normally find myself asking inane questions and stroking his monstrous ego, never really talking about me but becoming more and more engrossed in how he takes his coffee, who he's dating, who he's wearing, what's his next big project. It's normally only after he's gone that I realise he has never left an autograph on any of the bills we've incurred, he comes, he eats, he dazzles, he leaves and I pick up the bill.
I've also started to notice a distinct slide in my ratings. I've always been prime time evening entertainment but today got moved to an early afternoon slot and not a good one either - I was in that no mans land between Loose Women and Murder She Wrote, the sort of time when Meals On Wheels gets delivered. I have a feeling there maybe a younger, fresher version of me on the friendship horizon and I'm starting to feel like I'm about to get bumped from the chat show sofa. His phone rang a couple of times and he answered it so furtively that I could totally picture myself being moved from the news room to the late night weather forecast. I guess the biggest clue to how he thinks of me is this, when I asked when he's free again he said " I don't know, I can't decide if today was your relaunch or season finale" . . . .