Saturday, 14 May 2011

Sex workers & suicide bombers - a career choice?

When you are looking for a job I have realised only three things really matter: What time do you have to get up? What do you have to wear? How much are you being paid? The great thing about being self employed is that you are in charge of all three.Today I got up at 10am, I'm currently in my underwear and I'm not being paid but two out of three isn't that bad. Choosing a career instead of just a job can be frustrating, time consuming and can really mess with your social life, it's exactly like smoking crack.
If you're lucky, it's all mapped out, paid for and secured (Prince William). Sometimes our parents decide for us (Prince William / Kate Middleton), other times our older sister decides for us ( I bet we will never see Pippa & James Middleton working the till in Aldi).

What your mum and dad may have wanted for you may not be what is best for you.One of my best friends got sent away by her parents to train to be a ballerina at 8 years old, her parents sacrificed a lot to pay for her to attend ballet school until the age of 16 and she only really saw them at weekends and school holidays. Roughly 25 years later, in a rustic farm house in the north of France I watched as my friend stripped to her bra and knickers and fuelled by red wine and anger pirouetted around the kitchen in front of the same horrified parents  screaming "look what your money got you, I bet you're proud now". I found it hilarious at the time but what is funnier is that this beautiful, lithe ballerina is now a school teacher (albeit one who constantly has her hair in a bun and wears a shrug at all times). She works  in one of Britain's biggest comprehensives teaching IT skills - that's a huge leap for even the most trained of ballerinas and she's still the best dancer I know.

Not everyone has to study to have a fabulous career, take the world renowned fashion designer Susan Boyle and the international singing star and "hairy angel" Victoria Beckham. Sometimes the stars are aligned and everything just falls into place. Sometimes if you're really lucky the stars are aligned and you fall into someone else's place. Gold digging as a career choice is much the same now as it was in the 1800's, it can be lucrative, dangerous and has a pretty short shelf life. Once you've found your pot of gold you can bet there will be a 100 other gold diggers with their eyes on your prize.I sincerely believe that talent always precedes luck but if that's really the case then how come I've never got lucky?
Prostitution as a long term career is not really viable, at some point your bottom is going to fall out of the business. It may however be the only job where your client is going to put a lot more in than they are ever going to take out. I think working on a chatline is probably a better option as it fulfil's the main job hunting criteria: you can get up when you want, you can wear what you want and you know exactly what you are getting paid. If a client wants you to breathe heavy then just do a spot of dusting, if they have "special interests" just switch on the Dyson and leave them to it.

I know this is going to be controversial but it kind of fascinates me how exactly someone becomes a suicide bomber, again it could fulfil my three most important job search queries: You know you only have to get up the next time someone calls a Holy Jihad. You can wear exactly what you like, it's not like it matters if it has a few holes or you haven't rinsed out your underwear and you will be paid with eternal riches and salvation. You just have to wait until the you get to the other side to collect your pay check.
In the meantime I think I'll just happily keep blogging away on here, in my underwear, not getting paid.

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