I have a very pretty face for a fat girl. I saw and heard two middle aged women say that today, they made no secret of it or even tried to say it under their breath. I was waiting in the line for a McFlurry and they were in the line next to me. I almost turned around and walked out but it was really hot and I needed something other than a diet (never full fat) coke to cool me down. I looked at them to try and gauge if they thought it was a compliment and I would be pleased to hear it? As soon as I saw the one with the bleached, straw like hair and cheap gold jewellery shoot me a defiant stare I knew there wasn't any kindness in that comment. I looked down at my feet and my gorgeous blood red painted toe nails and said "I've got really pretty toe nails for a fat girl too".
God it's hot! I don't mind being out in the sun, it feels lovely on my hands, face and feet. I like to get my ice cream and some magazines and go and sit in the park. There is a kids boating lake there and I love to sit on the edge and dip my feet in the water to cool down. I roll my tracksuit bottoms up to above my knees (only when no ones around) and dream that I'm Cheryl Cole in those funny trousers she wore in the video when she was still fighting for Ashley's love. I really like Cheryl. I feel her beauty is attainable for anyone carrying a little extra weight like me. Sometimes I take dad's battery operated radio with me but that's only if he's still asleep when I leave for school in the morning. I love to listen to music, especially when I'm in the park or when I go up to my room after school. I can do the dance routine to mostly every song that has "love" in the title. That's my most favourite thing of all, to listen to songs with "Love" in the title.
I haven't been to school for weeks. I don't know if they've called dad? Mrs Burnett my maths tutor is the only one I have to worry about. She's always fussing and fretting, trying to make sure I'm OK and that I'm getting my homework done. She says I'm talented and "the best in the class" but it just makes things worse for me. I wish she wouldn't single me out like that. I'm trying to keep my head down and get through the day unnoticed and then she has to interfere with her meddling ways. I know I'm good at maths. I can add up every calorie there is in a microwave meal and I know exactly how much money I have to do the shopping when dad sends me out on a Saturday morning. Mrs Burnett wouldn't understand.I've seen her drive off in her little two door sports car with the roof off. She probably doesn't ever have to worry about what she spends or eats?
I put my hair up in a high pony tail today so that I can feel the sun on the back of my neck and when I put my head forward to look at my feet splashing about in the pond I like the way I look as the water swishes from side to side. I always like the way I look in my reflection of the pond because it's not really me. I can pretend I'm anyone. My face and body are really just a blur, there's no outline or shape and if I really kick the water about it's even better.
Sometimes I wish I had a mobile phone like everybody else has at school. Although I don't know what I'd use it for? I know dad wouldn't get me one I could take pictures with or play games on and there isn't anyone I know I could call anyway. I think it would be useful though just to keep the numbers of all the takeaways in. That would be amazing! I would phone the man in the fish & chip shop for a chat! I'd call him five times a day and put a different voice on each time and order really expensive stuff that I know he doesn't have!! When he picks the phone up and says "Fryer Tucks how can I help?" I'd put on my poshest voice and I'd say "I'd like lobster and chips and scallops and saveloy's please"! I could do so many accents he'd never guess it was me. Although maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea, dad would kill me for making crank calls and wasting money.
School will be finishing soon so I guess I should get my feet out of this pond and dry off. I need to be at the top of my road by 4.15pm because then I will have beaten everyone out of the school gates and onto the bus home. I can't get the later bus anymore because that's the one with the driver I don't like. The one with the greasy hair and dirty fingernails who always says he wants to borrow my school shirt for a parachute. Last time he said it I told him his "mum had asked me for it for his bedroom curtains because his Barbie ones needed washing" and even the kids that don't talk to me at school laughed. That was a good day.
I made it home and I managed to put the radio back without dad noticing, he didn't ask how school was so I must have got away with that too. Best of all it's Friday and that means "Fish & Chip Day"!! I've even asked dad if I can use the phone to call ahead and place our order and he's said yes! I cannot wait for the fish and chip man to pick up and say "Good evening, Fryer Tucks what would you like?" I'm going to take a really deep breath and try not to burst out laughing because I know exactly what I'm going to say. . . .